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The Serpent Isle Irregulars in...
Ancient History
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This is a story about lies. It's about lies that we sometimes tell other people. It's about lies that we sometimes tell ourselves. It's also about truths that we sometimes fail to reveal, which I guess are technically lies when you really think about it, huh... 🤔
Anyway. Giselle the Avatar, plus her band of subpar substitute companions (the Serpent Isle Irregulars), have made a quick detour to the Isle of Beyond in hopes of getting repairs for their automaton friend Petra, who suffered some unaccountable damage to her cerebral emulator during their recent tour of the Northlands. Unfortunately, the one automaton repairman left in the world—Torrissio De Vitis, the Life Mage of Moonshade and an all-around blister—also has a unique talent of turning what should be a simple fix into an insufferable ordeal. In this case he considers the metal maid to be his rightful property, and since the Avatar was so stupid kind as to return her to his possession, he has no intention of giving her up again.
At least, not without a fight! Eventually he reveals to his long-time rival Mortegro (and Stefano, who's really just along for the ride and the "five-finger discount" booze) that which he might accept in exchange for Petra: Knowledge. Specifically, that of an ancient Ophidian scroll that has also been in his possession for many years now. Torrissio is convinced it holds some devastating power and has long dreamed of unlocking its mysteries. Unfortunately, its contents are currently unknowable to him because its cipher is seemingly too indecipherable (or simply too sloppily written) for Rel Wis to have any effect. Seeing an opportunity to get the Avatar's meddlesome pests out of his hair (and his sitting room) for the foreseeable future, he puts the duo to the probably impossible task of finding someone, yes, some long-lost Ophidian who just might be able to read the blasted thing...
Meanwhile, Gwenno plays Magister to a couple of unruly bantlings while the actual Magister continues to collect dust in the Seminarium, Giselle goes on a snipe duck goose grackle oh forget it snail hunt with Ernesto the Ranger while Ernesto the Ranger fails to identify the Isle's most common birds, and Sethys almost enjoys a few hours of almost requiescence before the preceding paragraph shows up and tears his hat off and bungs it over a fence. It's fun for the whole family, provided your whole family isn't Sethys's hat.
Will our friends succeed in liberating their automaton friend from Torrissio's sleazy clutches? Probably, yeah. Still, read this story and find out how it all goes down! Or don't! I can't tell you what to do with your life!
Oh! And one more thing: A mouldywarp is a mole. No reason for using such an archaic term here, only that it's fun to say and read. Or maybe that's what they call them on the Serpent Isles?
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Chapter Index
- Chapter One
"...if Mortegro thinks the offer is unreasonable, Mortegro is free to say so for himself."- Chapter Two
"...dear Freli, I really am having quite a time trying to keep up with all of your sainted uncles."- Chapter Three
"...alas, it's always the little ones who fall through the cracks first."- Chapter Four
"...perhaps you could hold one of your risible little seances and summon the ghost of somebody who can help?"- Chapter Five
"...perhaps you'd rather ask Stefano. I think these are his stockings strewn about."- Chapter Six
"...you ever hold a trout in your hands and watch it gasp for life, just staring at you, like it knows what you done to it…?"- Chapter Seven
"...Andrio doesn't think you have the bottle to kill a man, but a goat's probably no problem."- Chapter Eight
"...my faithful automaton valet, at the very least, knows how to incinerate an egg."- Chapter Nine
"...darlin', if that's what you consider a little boo-boo, I'd hate to see what it looks like when you get a big one."- Chapter Ten
"...should our efforts to liberate Petra bear fruit, I'm sure she would be more than happy to bake you something with it."- Chapter Eleven
"...ugh. You know I hate that name."- Chapter Twelve
"...dear me, it would seem your reputation as a nitwit precedes you, Sethys."- Chapter Thirteen
"...remarkably dedicated, those Xenkans. Are they not?"- Chapter Fourteen
"...you'll find that I am far more selective with the artifacts I choose to curate."- Chapter Fifteen
"...oh, who cares? Let's just enjoy the carnage!"- Chapter Sixteen
"...what I speak of, it's ancient history, nothing more."- Epilogue
"...it is of my opinion that there are worse things to be, signore."
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